Wow! What a month! Claris Corp. becomes FileMaker. All other Claris software (except Home Page) is folded (not sliced) back into Apple! Before that, Newton is resorbed (not sliced) back into Apple! There’s even talk of a new eMate that will run a variation of the Mac OS. In other words, the eMate might be pushed (not sliced) into Apple’s PowerBook division. Talk about an Apple falling out of a tree! Can you imagine a PowerBook variation in a clam-shell case selling for under $1,000? We can’t either! It doesn’t sound like the old Apple!
It sounds like an ex-CEO now interim CEO is reversing many changes made by the person who was responsible for the now interim CEO becoming the ex-CEO. To our eyes, it looks like the legacy of Mr. Sculley is getting “sliced” from this Apple, while the company is getting “re-peared?” What pun!
We’re glad ATPM is a monthly publication. “Peeling” through Apple’s daily rumors would keep us so busy we’d never get any work done…Now for ATPM’s real news!
Not a Trivial Matter
(or Ed and the Bermuda Archipelago…)
Just to the left of the “Bermuda Triangle” is the Bermuda Archipelago. It’s a series of islands that have been seen but never found! [Editor’s Note: It’s said to be the place where Apple’s huge unit sales reports mysteriously disappear at the end of each quarter.] Unknown to most people (except Ed Goss, our trivia column author, and a few of his closest friends), this island chain is the purported home of the legendary “Fount of All Knowledge.”
Ed has an insatiable desire to learn and spends his days collecting books, especially lost library books. Ed’s collection of lost library books is awesome. It fills both stalls of his two-car garage. The problem is, the total bill for the accrued overdue fines would devastate the treasuries of most small nations.
Ed’s lost book collection makes him happy, but it’s also making him broke. He couldn’t bring himself to tell his wife (Mrs. Ed) about the fines, nor could he face the prospect of losing his books. He was desperate. He had only one choice—to find the Bermuda Archipelago and the Fount of All Knowledge. If successful, he’d not only learn more stuff (according to legend, just a couple of sips from the fount would make Ed a genius), he’d become famous and make a lot of money selling the book rights to his story (an ironic tale, isn't it?). Ed’s secret plan was cleverly hidden in one of his last trivia columns (see ATPM 3.11 and earlier).
We’re sorry to say, Ed didn’t make it. Reports are that he disappeared while searching for the fount. We fear the worst. At the time of his disappearance he was carrying a US Postal Service prepaid calling card, two air mail stamps, a Newton Message Pad, his Motorola cell phone and, of course, his library card. To our disappointment, he hasn’t mailed, e-mailed, called or written. Should he find his way home, we’ll tell his story here. In the meantime, the ATPM trivia section will be on hiatus. Our concerns are now with his family…
The Help Mrs. Ed Foundation
The folks at ATPM are a warm-hearted lot. We are concerned for Mrs. Ed in her time of grief. We support her legal position that Ed’s lost library book collection was his sole and separate property, not a community asset or liability. [Managing Editor’s Note: Ed and his wife didn’t live in California.] As long as the courts rule that the lost books were Ed’s sole property, she won't owe any money for the fines. However, she did offer to let the court take all the other stuff in the garage, including his collection of half-deflated, red, white, and blue ABA commemorative basketballs.
Please feel free to send your non-tax deductible contributions to the “Help Mrs. Ed Foundation.” Another way to help is by advertising in ATPM. We are setting aside a portion of each month’s advertising revenue to help Mrs. Ed pay her legal fees (and late book charges). More information about our rates is available by e-mailing <editor@atpm.com>. Special rates for the upcoming Mr. Ed Memorial Edition will soon be available. We’ll stop our Mr. Ed story here, before our voices become “hoarse.”
Build a Better Mouse Trap
Even with Ed’s untimely disappearance, we think About This Particular Macintosh (ATPM) is one of the best Macintosh e-zines available and we’d like to tell the rest of the world our “story.” We’re looking for a dedicated Mac enthusiast from among our world-wide readers who will to accept the challenge of becoming ATPM’s “Publicity Hound.” This is the position we originally had in mind for Ed. The problem is, not only did Ed want to “think different,” his search for the Fount of All Knowledge demonstrates he also wants to “do different.” We are looking for someone who will perform “due diligence” in an all-Macintosh, “tell the entire World Wide Web about ATPM” kind of way. If you’re interested in joining the ATPM staff and would like to help tell the World Wide Web about our Wonderful Web Work (Shhhh! We’re huntin’ Wabbits!) please e-mail us at <editor@atpm.com>.
Editor’s Choice Award
Have you been to the supermarket lately? Have you noticed the photo of the person being honored as employee of the month (or quarter)? Usually found somewhere between the cigarette rack and the cash desk, is the image of an exceptional man or woman receiving honorable mention for his or her on-time performance and consistently congenial attitude. It doesn't matter if the employee looks a little awkward in the photo or is a bit embarrassed by the attention. What’s important is the amount of time he or she is ostracized by his co-workers for being the human standard by which management now gauges everyone’s performance. What really matters to these exemplary employees is how quickly someone is named to replace them.
We think of ATPM as a “supermarket” of reviews and commentaries. We’ve been called a veritable “monthly cornucopia” of Macintosh insights and ideas. The work doesn’t come easy. This month, the management of ATPM is highlighting an exceptional staffer: Tom Iovino. At a time of transition at ATPM, he has consistently submitted his articles well before deadline. “Check out” his picture at the top of his monthly column, “Apple Cider.” Thanks, Tom!
[Staff Note: Tom, we don’t like you anymore. We thought you were our friend. Behind that clean-cut hair, starched shirt and silk tie is a real animal! Imagine trying to get ahead by submitting your stuff on time! Haven’t you ever heard of being fashionably late to the party? You just want to “rub elbows” with Michael and Rob at our expense. Hey, bud, we’ll see what happens the next time you want to be in the “e-mail loop.” As far as we’re concerned, no more electronic co-worker games for you!]
[Tom’s Note: Hey guys, you’re just jealous! I’ll let my column speak for itself! Scroll it and weep!]
[Editor’s Note: Cut it out! We’ll let our readers decide who has the most informative and entertaining column in ATPM. Now everybody back to work. The deadline for 4.04 is just days away!]
Take a look inside this month’s issue! You can even take a look at Tom! Please enjoy (the e-zine that is, we won’t comment on Tom).
